The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 2, Issue 3

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

Hole in the track, hole in the track. Lookin' like a fool with a hole in your track ... Yes, that was a real pothole that twice red flagged the red-faced Daytona 500 and delayed the race for more than two hours before Jamie "Jabeep" McMurray finally took the checkered flag this past Sunday. I dunno why it took so long to fix the hole though ... All they had to do was put a cone on it and drive around it. Hell, that's how potholes get fixed on my street.

How come the music for pairs figure skating always sounds like somebody died? Is there a rule in skating that says they simply have to be so serious all the time? What would be so wrong with skating to like a Beatles or a KISS medley? Anyway, congratulations to the Chinese pair, husband Zhao Hongbo and wife Shen Xue, who took gold. Afterwards, Zhao said they'd most likely retire now and try something easier like start a family. Whoa, Zhao, not so fast there. You haven't changed a baby after it's done a double Salchow in its diaper yet. That ain't easy, champ.

I'm confused ... Is a Double McTwist 1260 a rad new snowboard halfpipe trick that Shaun White just stomped ... Did I get that right? Stomped? ... on his way to a repeat gold medal? Or is it the latest new menu item at a McDonald's drive-thru? And when a snowboarder just misses finishing a Double McTwist 1260, do the other snowboarders say things to him like ... Dude, you suck. That was so 900, bro.

Sigh ... I miss those old school Winter Olympics back in the Cold War days when, if the Russians had won just 3 medals to this point like they have in Vancouver, I mean, you just knew some Minister of Sport wearing one of those big Russian bear fur hats was gonna get shot about ten minutes after the team got back in the U-S, back in the U-S, back in the USSR. Man, nobody brought the grump to the Olympics like the old CCCP.

Hey, we got the America's Cup back again. That's right, the US and A are kings of the sailing world once more. Sailing. In the ocean. In February. While the Winter Olympics are going on. Meanwhile, we're hip deep into basketball season, a Summer Olympics sport played indoors in the winter. Hello, McFly?

Rest in peace, Nodar Kumaritashvili.

See ya next time.

The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 2, Issue 2

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

One day many years ago, when my youngest sister was in grade school and doing her homework, she asked me how to spell the word "pneumonia".

Me: Oh, that's easy ... "p-n-e-u-" ...
Her: No, no, that can't be right. Don't tease me.
Me: But that really is how you spell "pneumonia" ... "p-n-e-u-" ...
Her: I don't believe you. No word starts with "p-n-e-u-". I'm gonna go get my dictionary.
Me: Go right ahead ......
Me: Well?
Her: I can't believe it. That doesn't make any sense at all. Who came up with that crazy idea?

Ladies and gentlemen, the New Orleans Saints are Super Bowl champions ... "p-n-e-u-"

Dear NFL, please I'm begging you. Enough with the geriatric halftime shows. Any act eligible for an AARP card should be ineligible for the Super Bowl. Look, I love The Who. They were the party band back in their glory days but that was 30+ years ago. It's time to get some younger bands out there. Hell, I'd rather watch an 'N Sync reunion over another geezer show. Oh wait, bad example. I forgot Justin Timberlake is on the bad boy list.

Daddy? Yes, Peyton, what is it, son? All the kids at school talk about you, Daddy. They say Archie Manning will never win a Super Bowl for the Saints. Gee, Peyton, the Saints are pretty bad right now so I guess it ain't looking too good for us. Well, when I grow up, I'm going to make it to the Super Bowl, Daddy. And when I'm there, I'm going to throw the pass that wins it for the Saints. I'm sure you will, son. Now go outside and play because Daddy has to go over this week's game plan against the Colts.

Super Bowl commercials were a mixed bag as usual. I loved the little kid who protected his mama and his salty, fatty corn chips. The Snickers spot ... more junk food ... with Betty White and Abe Vigoda was good too. And although the CareerBuilder ad featuring casual Fridays in underwear was funny, I'm not sure they realize people will do pretty much anything to keep their jobs these days. Hell, they'd probably watch The Who all over again ... In their underwear.

Boy, isn't it amazing what a great coach ol' Roy Williams is when his Tar Heel roster is all full of next year's shiny happy NBA draft picks? Almost as amazing as how sucky he is when it isn't. Welcome to the low rent district, coach. Say it loud, say it proud ... N-I-T.

The Vancouver Winter Olympics begin this weekend and, as usual, there are several compelling stories sandwiched in between breathless figure skating hysteria. Lindsey Vonn was on the verge of being the superstar skier no one will remember in two weeks. But because of a painful shin bruise, now she might be the superstar skier no one ever heard of. In other Lindsey news, Lindsey Jacobellis is back for another try at snowboard cross. Let's hope she leaves her hot dog moves back at the Village this time. Let the drug tests begin.

See ya next time.

The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 2, Issue 1

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

With the two camps haggling over drug testing protocols, it's not looking good for the proposed March 13 superbout between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather Jr. Now they're going to try and let a mediator work it all out but there's a much simpler solution ... I say we get these two fighters in a ring. We get 'em some gloves, a ref, three judges and a timekeeper. Twelve rounds, three minutes each. Winner wins the testing argument. There, done. Now let's get it on so we can get it on.

Ladies and gentlemen, here to present the Oscar for the Best NFL Team in a Supporting Role is last year's award winner, the Detroit Lions. And the nominees are ...

-- The Denver Broncos for starting out a 6-0 tease and finishing up 8-8,
-- The St Louis Rams for going 1-15 so they can draft yet another defensive lineman,
-- The Buffalo Bills for doing the impossible by making Terrell Owens boring,
-- The Tampa Bay Buccaneers for finally realizing it isn't 2002 any more and finally,
-- The New York Giants for playing a throwback 14-game season instead of 16.

... and the Oscar goes to ... the New York Giants. Here to accept the award is Tom Coughlin.

The NBA is currently investigating a recent locker room incident where Washington Wizards teammates Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton supposedly drew guns on each other over an in-flight card game dispute from the night before. I dunno but it shouldn't take the league long to figure out that nothing really serious happened here. I mean, everybody knows the Wizards are terrible at man-to-man defense.

For the first time anyone can remember, a local affiliate in the Redskins market decided not to televise the woeful Skins game against San Diego last Sunday and chose to show the Eagles-Cowboys NFC East title tilt instead. Said Bruce Rader, sports director at WVBT Fox 43 in Hampton Roads, VA, of his decision ... "Honestly, the Redskins are just unwatchable." Unquote. On the contrary, my dear Bruce, I find the Washington Redskins to be must see TV. Hell, I haven't seen a train wreck this compelling since "The Fugitive" when Harrison Ford's prison ride ate a mountain.

Just curious but now that the Steelers have missed the playoffs and won't be able to defend their Super Bowl title, will James Harrison be expecting an invitation to the White House?

See ya next time.