Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...
Former Jints WR Plaxico Burress pleaded guilty to gun charges last week and will now spend two years in a New York state prison. His lawyer later said Burress has hired a prison coach who will ... and I quote ... "address and advise us, Mr. Burress and his family, on what to expect while incarcerated, and how to use his period of confinement as productively as possible." Ah, you coulda saved your money, Plax. Really, here's all you need to know ... First, stay away from The Sisters. Then make friends with the guy who can get you things. Next, do all the guards' tax returns. And then hang a big poster of Rita Hayworth in your cell. Easy, peasy, Japanese-y.
I'm telling you, the Dawn of the Twitter Age is going to revolutionize the sports world. Hell, it's already happening as last week Miami Heat F Michael Beasley tweeted a twitpic ... try saying that three times fast ... of his sweet new back ink. Unfortunately for him, the aforementioned photo also showed Michael's sweet bag of the kind bud on the kitchen table behind him. And so now the story is Beasley has checked into a Houston rehab facility. Let's hope they add a 13th step to his recovery program ... Put Your Weed Away Before You Tweet.
This just in from our Reinforcing Sports Stereotypes Bureau ... Pro wrestler Kurt Angle was caught and charged with possession of HGH. And suspended NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield, who's already twice tested positive for methamphetamines, had his estranged stepmother arrested for trespassing after she showed up hammered at his home. The same stepmom who is NASCAR's principal witness against Mayfield. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
The Chicago Cubs were finally sold this week to the billionaire Ricketts family for a cool $900 million dollars. J Joseph Ricketts is the patriarch of the Omaha, NE family who made their fortune starting up a small investment firm that later grew into TD Ameritrade, the big online brokerage firm. I'm sure the new owners will uphold the fine tradition of family ownership of the Cubs but this deal is still a puzzler. I mean, they're rich stockbrokers, right? Aren't they supposed to know how to pick winners?
The Pokes opened up their new $1.2 billion dollar playpen last week with a pre-season game against the Titans and, wouldn't you know it, there are still a few bugs to be worked out. Like for instance, the 60-yard-long, everything-is-bigger-in-Texas video screen that apparently nobody tested to see if a punter could hit. Um, yes, they can and now Dallas owner Jerry Jones will likely be asked to spend another $2,000,000 to raise the massive board out of reach. As you can guess, Double-J hates that idea but he won't have much choice. Besides, it's not like he's never had anything lifted before ...
See ya next time.
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It's not sports. It's soap operas.
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