Warning: The following piece is a No Favre Zone and may not be suitable for a general audience. Especially those who hang on every twitch, breath and mere utterance of a certain former Atlanta Falcon, Green Bay Packer, New York Jet and perhaps future Minnesota Viking quarterback who is either a) bored to tears on his farm, b) loves stringing people along year after year or c) just can't seem to let those long ago and far away cheers just ... fade ... away.
Dumb is forgetting how many outs there are or swinging on a 3-0 count when the pitcher hasn't thrown a strike since last week. Really dumb is not walking Albert Pujols with first base open. Monumentally dumb, however, is failing a drug test for steroids when everyone in the entire baseball universe knows you're gonna get tested. Ladies and gentlemen, Manny Ramirez.
Gotta give it up to Manny, though. Seeing as how he tested positive for a women's fertility drug, at least the man was original. Even more remarkable is he somehow managed to push Alex Rodriguez and his never-ending little soap opera off the front page of the sports section. Man, that's hard to do. Normally, you can't get ARod off the radar scope until he disappears in the playoffs.
After 11 years in the minors and more bus rides than Ralph Kramden, infielder Bobby Scales finally made it to The Show when the Cubbies called him up this week. Good for him. Even if he only lasts a few weeks in the majors, he made it. And a few years from now, when Bobby's back in A ball and he's lazily strumming a guitar in the back seat of a bus to Winston-Salem, he'll be able to say ...
Yeah, I was in The Show. I was in The Show for 21 days once, the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in The Show. Somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service and the women all have long legs and brains.
"Miami Dolphins partner with Buffet" ... Hey, good move, Fish. Warren Buffet is one of the smartest and richest businessmen alive today. Wait a minute, it's not Warren, it's Jimmy? The same Jimmy Buffet who "made enough money to buy Miami but pissed it away so fast"? Indeed, the son of a son of a sailor signed a naming rights deal this week with the Fins to the left, Fins to the right. And so now welcome to Landshark Stadium, named after Landshark Lager, a beer Jimmy brews. Candygram.
Rest in peace, Danny Ozark. Thanks for showing the 70's Phillies how to win but I'm still not over Black Friday. You were supposed to put Jerry Martin in left field, man.
See ya next time.
P.S. Parrothead Park woulda been so much better.
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Danny Ozark was a coach for the Dodgers in the Walter Alston era, if I recall correctly. RIP, Danny. I hope there's plenty of blue in your dugout.
ReplyDeleteKarl B.
You mean Manny was not being an honest, forthcoming professional?
ReplyDeleteI would never have expected that from a guy with Divine Intervention on his side!
Why just last year he had a horrific knee injury while playing for the BoSox and, miracle of miracles, it disappeared on his plane trip to LA!
This is the same Manny who delivered *two* World Series rings for the Red Sox, right? I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I would think he'd never have to buy a beer in Boston ever again.
ReplyDelete