Cheer, cheer for old Notre Dame. Wake up the echoes, leave out some games ... That's right, college football's most famous program released its new media guide last week and under Sorry Charlie Weis's bio, there's nary a mention of any losing season the coach has ever had at any level. And that includes the disastrous 2007 season when his Irish went 3-9. Hmm, I wonder how thrilled The Lord is now that His Eighth Commandment is optional in South Bend. I dunno, maybe you shouldn't practice in the rain this year, Charlie.
Last week, an unnamed Mets fan lost her gold tooth in one of the toilets at new "BrokeBank" Citi Field in ... wait for it ... Flushing Meadows. Apparently, these new low-flo loos use powerful vacuum suction instead of just plain old gravity ... Which woulda been nice to know before she stuck her hand down there and had to be rescued. The emergency crew got her out okay but the tooth was gone. Which means now there's an alligator down in the Queens sewer system looking really fly.
A recent bodybuilding competition in Brussels had to be canceled because of a distinct lack of competition. Oh, there are plenty of muscle-bound he-men in Belgium willing to pose in Speedos and Pam spray. That's not the problem. The problem is that a doping official showed up right before the posedown began and they all took off faster than a Belgian waffle lasts on John Daly's plate. Why do they even bother testing bodybuilders? That's like testing Chris Berman for ego.
Fresh off his now infamous White House snub, Steelers LB James Harrison got some more ink last week when one of his pit bulls put his 2-year-old son in the hospital. Fortunately, the kid will be okay but Harrison will no doubt have to deal with the dog. If only there was someone he could ask for advice on how to get rid of unwanted dogs. Someone who might have some experience in this arena. I dunno, maybe another football player, one at home with some free time available. Any ideas?
Note to Cleveland fans ... It sure looks like maybe kinda sorta you were expecting the LeBrons to romp to this year's NBA title. And yeah, that really was an all-time buzzer beater LBJ hit to win Game 2 but somehow Orlando didn't get the memo. For your sake, I hope the Cavs can come back and win this thing cause the Indians are dead last in the AL and the Browns are ranked 33rd out of 32 NFL teams. Cross your fingers and pray, Cleveland, cause this could be an epic summer of fail.
A few weeks ago, those adorable Washington Nationals, our favorite screwed up baseball team, were embarrassed when two players played in jerseys wearing the misspelled word "NATINALS". Now it seems somebody forgot to run spellcheck on their Presidential bobbleheads too. Because for just $30 at concession stands, you too can now have your very own Teddy "Rossevelt" doll. Maybe the Nats should have a new motto ... Speek sotfly and carry a bigg tick.
See ya next time.
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Come on Bob. It's a baseball team, soon to be made in and owned by China. If Natinals is close enough for Engrish, then it ought to be good enough for the people who run, errr, live in this country.
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