A buncha guys with funny-sounding names who live in Barcelona half the year beat another buncha guys with funny-sounding names who live in Manchester half the year. The score was 2-nil and it was for something called the UEFA Champions League Cup Final which is not to be confused with the UEFA League Cup Champions Final (sponsored by the People's Front of Judea) or the UEFA Cup Champions League Final (sponsored by the Judean People's Front) neither one of which are recognized by FIFA or FAFI or AFIF or IFAF.
Same as last year, Pens-Wings for the Stanley Cup. And same as last year, both teams will play several superb, end-to-end hockey games filled with pinpoint passes, amazing shots, thrilling saves, last-second goals, white knuckle overtimes and one of the sweaty captains finally hoisting the hallowed hardware. And just like last year, it'll all be seen on Channel 206 by about a dozen hosers who still have a month of ice fishing season left, eh.
Objection! Okay, yes, NBC has the first two Stanley Cup games while the next two are on Versus or whatever obscure channel that gets lower ratings than my screensaver aquarium. {Look, it's Nemo!} But Game 1 is this Saturday and Game 2 is on Sunday marking the first time two Finals games will be played on consecutive days since 1955. Why, you ask? Because the Peacock wants no part of weeknight games on the fairly good chance they'll go into OT and interfere with ... wait for it ... Conan O'Brien's debut week on The Tonight Show. Overruled.
Are you telling me that former Memphis hoops coach John Calipari took the Kentucky job just two months before the NCAA charged Memphis with major program violations? And the NCAA will most likely vacate the Tigers 2008 Final Four appearance if found guilty? Not the same John Calipari whose UMass team had to vacate its 1996 Final Four appearance after he bolted for the New Jersey Nets? Nah, that can't be right. Coach Cal wouldn't do that.
You know I love the NFL more than any other sport but nobody and I mean nobody does hypocrisy like the National Football League. You see, Delaware recently legalized sports wagering ... Which the league hates with a passion so of course they're suing to stop it by claiming you need "skill" to bet on football. Right, as if point spreads are a new idea. No, they're not but deciding last week that teams can now sign sponsorship deals with state lotteries is. Sing it with me now ...
Hail to the Redskins
Hail lottery
Knaves on the poor path
Scratch for old DC.
See ya next time.
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You forgot to mention as not recognized by AFLAC, AFLCIO, FCCLA, FHA, FMhA and as recognized by the CIA. Glad I could clear that up.
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