You know, I think the ladies are finally getting the hang of this sports thing ... Last Monday night, police had to break up an all-out brawl between two Colorado Springs girls softball teams after a batter got plunked and charged the mound. Then on Thursday night, WNBA star Diana Taurasi was pulled over for DUI in Phoenix just a few hours after the Mercury's win over Seattle. All they need to do now is start injecting truckloads of steroids, getting into shootouts at strip clubs, bankrolling dog fights and serial mothering kids in every city they visit and they'll pull even with the guys.
Check your calendar and if it's late June-early July, then it's time for Wimbledon. And that means it's time for the annual in-depth, serious journalistic effort designed to expose one of the great mysteries of modern sport ... Why do the women players grunt? I mean, it's disgusting and scandalous. They should be ashamed of themselves. Who do those hussies think they are grunting and squealing and carrying on like that? It's just not ladylike. Let's listen to it again. There, right there, listen to that. She sounds like she's, um ... Wait, play that again. There, you hear her? Again, please. One more time. Roll tape.
When the New York Mets checked into their Pittsburgh hotel last Wednesday night, they found another group already staying there. It seems the inn was also hosting the Anthrocon 2009 convention. Anthrocon is ... and I quote ... "the world's largest convention for those fascinated with anthropomorphics, which are human-like animal characteristics." In other words, furries. C'mon now, sing it with me ...
Meet the Pets
Meet the Pets
Step right up and greet the Pets
Bring your kiddies
Bring your wife
Guaranteed to have the time of your life.
Yawn. Just another routine sports weekend ... Tiger Woods won a golf tournament and Roger Federer won a tennis tournament. Been there, done that, caught the highlights. Except that Tiger nailed a clutch birdie to win his own tournament, the AT&T National, and Roger won his sixth Wimbledon to pass Pete Sampras for most career Slams. So basically this really wasn't just any old routine weekend. I mean, other than Tiger winning a golf tournament and Roger winning a tennis tournament, it wasn't.
Rest in peace, Steve McNair.
See ya next time.
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