The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 1, Issue 46

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

Hey, Tiger, how was your Thanksgiving? Yeah, I know, saw it on the tube. We all did. So have you picked out the Kobe Special you're gonna give to Elin? If you don't remember, Kobe gave Vanessa an 8-karat purple stone worth a cool $4 mill after his little Colorado misadventure a few years back. When a golfer shoots a double bogey "8" on a par 4 hole, that's a snowman, right? Yeah, I'm thinking Elin won't mind a little Frosty The Snowman riding high on her ring finger. Lucky for you, you're just in time for the Christmas shopping season. Ho-ho-ho.

As for Tiger Cheetah Woods himself, what's really surprising is why he felt the need to go off the reservation when the reservation is a blond Swedish nanny. Seriously, as a lifelong, card-carrying member of the knuckle-dragging, open-mouthed male gender, I can categorically state that the words "blond", "Swedish" and "nanny" are pretty much the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont. I'm sorry but whatever else he might've had going on ... the Santa Anita Derby, Travers and Haskell ... They're just not in the same league. Let's just hope he wasn't entered in the Breeder's Cup.

Buh-bye, Charlie Weis. See ya, Al Groh. Adios muchachos, Mark Mangino. But of all the college football coaches who are now no longer college football coaches, I think I'll miss you most of all, Diddy. Yeah, the ol' college game just won't be the same without ol' Bobby Bowden. It's been several years since his Florida State Seminoles were the holy terrors of the sport. And it's also been several years since his players were the holy terrors of the Tallahassee police station. Coincidence? I dunno but I do know this ... Nobody had a better WTF face than Diddy when his kickers went wide right.

Going out on a limb here but I don't think the New Jersey Nets, a blemished 0-17 to start the season, are gonna make the NBA playoffs. Call it a hunch.

Next time you need an example of business "synergy", that is, the interaction of different business operations whose combined effect is greater than the sum of those businesses by themselves, just consider Magic Johnson's thriving empire. Magic has long been an astute businessman but now he's bordering on just pure genius. That's because his Magic Johnson Enterprises owns well over a hundred Starbucks ... and ... about a dozen 24 Hour Fitness gyms. That's how it's done, folks. First you fatten 'em up and then you slim 'em down. Lather, rinse, repeat.

See ya next time.

(h/t to reader Dan'l Medvid for "Cheetah")

The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 1, Issue 40

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

With just half a mile to go in Sunday's Des Moines Marathon, Simon Sawe had a comfortable 10-second lead over fellow Kenyan David Tuwei. And then he didn't. And then the third-place runner caught up too ... All thanks to an Iowa freight train that apparently didn't get the memo. Good news is Sawe still won the race with a sprint to the finish once the train had passed. Bad news is nobody bothered to tell the runners this was just a ... wait for it ... training exercise. Ooh, rim shot!

The New Jersey Nets are offering a fun new promotion this NBA season called "Your Ticket To A Player". For just a mere $25,000, you get four courtside seats, free food and drinks plus parking for 10 home games. But that's not all ... You also get one (1) hour with the Nets player of your choice. He can come to your birthday party or an office social or even your kid's Bar Mitzvah, whatever you want. Me personally, I got some ceiling fans I need dusted plus some light bulbs to change.

In other hoops news, looks like the Detroit Shock are moving to Tulsa. Fine, whatever. But take a close look at the AP news item where this story first broke ...

The WNBA's Detroit Shock are moving to Tulsa, OK, a team official told The Associated Press. The official spoke on the condition of anonymity Monday because he was not authorized to make the announcement ...

What the hell does that mean? If you're not authorized to make the announcement, then why are you making the announcement? You see this all the time and nobody ever seems to suffer for it. You never hear later on that Team So-and-So fired Joe Schmoe because Joe leaked something he shouldn't have. And why all the secrecy? I mean, it's the WNBA where "We Got Next" apparently now applies to cities, not just games. Look, the Shock is either moving to Tulsa or it's not. When did chick hoops become a spy novel?

In a Week 16 game last year, Tennessee beat Pittsburgh to run their record to an NFL best 13-2. After the game though, several Titans celebrated by stomping on a Steeler Terrible Towel. They haven't won since and that includes last week's humiliating 59-0 skunkjob by the Patriots. In 2005, the Bengals did likewise and they tanked too. So is there a Curse of the Towel going on here? I dunno but I propose a rigorous scientific experiment ... First, rip up all the carpet in the visitor's locker room. Same goes for the walkway leading to Heinz Field. And then pull up all the turf on the opponent's sideline too. And then replace everything with towels. Hundreds and hundreds of Terrible Towels. Towels everywhere. And then let's see what happens.

Check this 12-year-old kid out. The dream of a lifetime ...



See ya next time.