The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 2, Issue 2

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

One day many years ago, when my youngest sister was in grade school and doing her homework, she asked me how to spell the word "pneumonia".

Me: Oh, that's easy ... "p-n-e-u-" ...
Her: No, no, that can't be right. Don't tease me.
Me: But that really is how you spell "pneumonia" ... "p-n-e-u-" ...
Her: I don't believe you. No word starts with "p-n-e-u-". I'm gonna go get my dictionary.
Me: Go right ahead ......
Me: Well?
Her: I can't believe it. That doesn't make any sense at all. Who came up with that crazy idea?

Ladies and gentlemen, the New Orleans Saints are Super Bowl champions ... "p-n-e-u-"

Dear NFL, please I'm begging you. Enough with the geriatric halftime shows. Any act eligible for an AARP card should be ineligible for the Super Bowl. Look, I love The Who. They were the party band back in their glory days but that was 30+ years ago. It's time to get some younger bands out there. Hell, I'd rather watch an 'N Sync reunion over another geezer show. Oh wait, bad example. I forgot Justin Timberlake is on the bad boy list.

Daddy? Yes, Peyton, what is it, son? All the kids at school talk about you, Daddy. They say Archie Manning will never win a Super Bowl for the Saints. Gee, Peyton, the Saints are pretty bad right now so I guess it ain't looking too good for us. Well, when I grow up, I'm going to make it to the Super Bowl, Daddy. And when I'm there, I'm going to throw the pass that wins it for the Saints. I'm sure you will, son. Now go outside and play because Daddy has to go over this week's game plan against the Colts.

Super Bowl commercials were a mixed bag as usual. I loved the little kid who protected his mama and his salty, fatty corn chips. The Snickers spot ... more junk food ... with Betty White and Abe Vigoda was good too. And although the CareerBuilder ad featuring casual Fridays in underwear was funny, I'm not sure they realize people will do pretty much anything to keep their jobs these days. Hell, they'd probably watch The Who all over again ... In their underwear.

Boy, isn't it amazing what a great coach ol' Roy Williams is when his Tar Heel roster is all full of next year's shiny happy NBA draft picks? Almost as amazing as how sucky he is when it isn't. Welcome to the low rent district, coach. Say it loud, say it proud ... N-I-T.

The Vancouver Winter Olympics begin this weekend and, as usual, there are several compelling stories sandwiched in between breathless figure skating hysteria. Lindsey Vonn was on the verge of being the superstar skier no one will remember in two weeks. But because of a painful shin bruise, now she might be the superstar skier no one ever heard of. In other Lindsey news, Lindsey Jacobellis is back for another try at snowboard cross. Let's hope she leaves her hot dog moves back at the Village this time. Let the drug tests begin.

See ya next time.

The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 1, Issue 10

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

The NHL is down to four teams left for the Big Jell-O Mold ... Blackhawks vs Red Wings and Penguins vs Canes. They're all playing great hockey but I'm going with the team with that old guy with the weird European name who plays on the same line with that speedy little French-Canadian dude. You know who I'm talking about ... They got that hotshot goalie plus that big scruffy defenseman and the coach, the one who used to coach that other team. C'mon, help me out here.

This time around, HBO's popular NFL training camp series "Hard Knocks" will feature the Cincinnati Bengals. For an NFL junkie, the show's been must see TV ... Especially those painful scenes where the coach has to tell a player he's been released. Given that the Bengals will be on screen, maybe now the drama will be reversed and we'll get to see a player tell the coach he's been released, that is, on bail until his arraignment.

Once he gets going, Yankee P Joba Chamberlain is fine but he's had some pretty rough first innings lately. So before his last start, the team had him pitch a simulated "first inning" out in the bullpen where three batters just stood there while Joba threw his final warmup tosses. That way, the Yankees hope he'll just go out now and pretend like it's the second inning. And I hope it works for him because if it does, I'm asking my boss if I can simulate working for my first hour too.

Rachel Alexandra won the Preakness over fast-closing Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird at Pimlico on Saturday. In outrunning the boys, she became the first filly to win the race since 1924. Boy, I know women like to run late but that's ridiculous. Boy, I'm sure glad my wife doesn't read this.

On Friday, my beloved Philadelphia Phillies paid a team visit to President Barack Obama at the White House to celebrate their World Series win. Think about that for just a moment ... The sorriest pro sports team in history was honored by the first black POTUS ever. Not only that but they both clinched their astonishing victories within a week of each other last fall. Seriously, who's writing this script? And has anybody checked the space-time continuum lately?

Speaking of White House visits, the Super Bowl champ Steelers are due for their trip soon. Only problem is star LB James Harrison doesn't wanna go ... "If you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, Obama would have invited Arizona if they had won." Um, yeah, James, that's pretty much how these things work. I mean, if they just invited the teams that didn't win, the Browns might as well move to Washington to save on air fare.

Rest in peace, Wayman Tisdale.

See ya next time.

The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 1, Issue 7

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

Oh no, here we go again ... The Annual Brett Favre Un-Re-Un-Re-Retirement Rumorfest Circus Maximus and Amalgamated Media Feeding Frenzy might be (is) back. A year ago, Jet Favre was a fun novelty act but down the stretch his poor play got Jets coach Eric Mangini whacked. This time around the Vikes are the hot whisper. All I can say to Brad Childress is be careful, coach. Your seat is hot enough already and he's not the Holy Grail anymore. Choose wisely, Brad.

A 51-1 longshot, Mine That Bird, won the Kentucky Derby on Saturday. Man, that was a sweet ride by jockey Calvin Borel. The spectacular overhead blimp shots showed Borel steering MTB along the rail until they busted out and just flew home. And as The Bird crossed the finish line with the win, for just a brief second or two, I swear you could hear the sound of 150,000 betting slips being torn up.

Because of the new swine flu outbreak, soccer games in Mexico are still being played but the gates are locked and fans aren't allowed in. Pro soccer games in front of empty stands? Well then, I guess that's one more thing we've exported to Mexico.

Hold the phones, I think we have a winner ... Or at least an early front runner for Dumbest New Made-Up Sports Word of the Year. Bolts LB Shawne Merriman, unplugged last season by a knee injury, is stirring up his anger to recharge his "Lights Out" act so that everybody will know he's back. And to all his doubters, Shawne's got just this to say ... "My footballhood has been questioned. That is worse than questioning someone's manhood." Great, glad we got that settled. My bloghood thanks you.

Speaking of rumors, another good one that won't go away is the notion of playing a future Super Bowl in London. London, England, the UK, Great Britain, that is. You know, it's really not that bad an idea. I mean, seriously, would you rather see the Supe go back to Jacksonville? But if the big game does go to London, we will need some guarantees ... They can't make both teams wear all white, no strawberries and cream in the press box and above all, no curtsies to the Ye Olde Royal Luxury Suite. And we get to pick the halftime act too. So you can tell Oasis not to even bother.

Rest in peace, Jack Kemp.

See ya next time.