Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...When asked whether he thought the NFL should reinstate Michael Vick now or keep him suspended for several more games, Terrell Owens had this to say ... "I don't think it's really fair for him to be suspended four more games. It's almost like kicking a dead horse to the ground." Almost, TO, but not quite ... It's actually more like drowning, electrocuting and slamming a dead dog to the ground. Gotta keep your metaphors tight, big guy.In the Pop Culture grid of this week's Sports Illustrated issue under the column heading "Person I'm Dying To Interview", Fish pitcher Josh Johnson replied ... "Kirby Puckett. One of my idols growing up." Ah, maybe someday you'll get that interview, Josh, but it won't be on this plane of existence as the immortal Twin got called up to The Big Ballclub In The Sky over three years ago. Pick again, Josh.
And so Brett Favre says he'll stay retired. Yeah, right, sure you will, Brett. Good one. Pull this leg and it whistles "Dixie". Look, unless we get all the way to Sunday of Week 1 at 1:00pm with no sign of Purple No. 4 anywhere, I'm not buying it. And that's cause any time any QB on any NFL team tweaks an ankle, bends an elbow, shrugs a shoulder, flexes a knee or bangs a thumb, Brett Favre's cell is gonna ring, buzz, shake or sing. I mean, at this point, even Mick Jagger and Keith Richards must be wondering why Favre won't quit.In New York, both Putz and Wang are on the disabled list, the DL. Or in their case, the EDL. Sorry, couldn't resist.I understand the Tour de France is a ridiculously grueling event. And we can argue all day long about what exactly these super-endurance races actually prove other than some people will somehow train themselves to do them. But here's what I can't grasp ... How in the world do you pedal for three weeks up, down and all over one of the most beautiful landscapes on the planet and all you get to see are your handlebars, your front tire and the bike shorts of the guy in front of you? As Master Yoda would say ... Sense not make this does.All right, settle down, I think we're all here so let's take seats. I'd like to welcome you all to the Pittsburgh Pirates Mid-Summer 2009 Strategy Meeting. Item No. 1 on the agenda ... The Steelers open up training camp in just a few days. What do we do? Okay, let's see some ideas, people. Trade Adam LaRoche to the Red Sox? Didn't we send Jason Bay to them last year? Never mind, it's brilliant. I love it. Make the call. Okay, next ... Trade Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez? Wait, aren't they our double play combo? Whatever, I like it. Do it. Wow, I'm getting goosebumps here. You guys are on fire. What else you got?Rest in peace, Jim Johnson. And you too, Vernon Forrest.See ya next time.
Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...Ross Ohlendorf is a rookie pitcher with the Pittsburgh Pirates. Ross Ohlendorf graduated from Princeton with a combined major in math, engineering and economics. So yeah, Ross Ohlendorf is the sharpest knife in the drawer. As proof, for his senior thesis, he submitted a 126-page paper detailing the significant long-term investment return on signing bonuses given to top amateur draft picks. In 2004, Ross Ohlendorf was a 4th round pick of the Arizona Diamondbacks and signed for $280,000 which he presumably then used to pay off his Princeton student loans ... Quod erat demonstratum.In his spare time, Saints coach Sean Payton is apparently pitching a film script to Hollywood. It's called "The Xbox Kid" and it's about a poor New Orleans boy who discovers he can control NFL games using a refurbished Xbox his grandfather gave him after a devastating hurricane. I dunno, I might hafta wait and see on this one ... I mean, unless that thing can keep Reggie Bush from running out of bounds on every play, it's not a magic Xbox.All right, no more fooling around, this time it's for real ... Brett Favre's family has booked 30 hotel rooms in Green Bay for the Nov 1 game against Minnesota. That's it, there's our proof. Favre is definitely playing for the Vikes. No more questions. End of story. No, wait, this just in ... Brett Favre may have been seen in a Hattiesburg farmer's exchange buying seed corn. By God, that can only mean one thing ... Brett Favre is gonna raise hogs this year which means Deanna Favre will be serving ham instead of turkey for Thanksgiving which means, with no bird to carve, Brett Favre must want to protect his throwing shoulder !!! That's it, there's our proof.The Royals lost, 4-3 in 10 innings, to the Indians in Cleveland on Thursday night. The winning run scored when a ball hit up the middle by Shin-Soo Choo struck a flock of seagulls standing in center field. Good thing he didn't hit it to right field cause that's where Tears For Fears was standing and they'd already gunned down one runner at the plate. Anyway, the runner on second, Mark DeRosa, scored the winning run. When asked afterwards about the strange play, DeRosa said: "And I ran, I ran so far away. I just ran, I ran all night and day. I couldn't get away."Is there anything more pathetic than the NCAA punishing guilty college programs by vacating past wins? This time around it's Alabama. Actually, I think it was Alabama the time before that too. And the time before that. Regardless, here they are again. They have to forfeit 21 football wins from 2005 to 2007 because some Tide players somehow got free textbooks for their friends. No loss of future scholarships, no television ban, no post-season restrictions, nothing. Nada, zip, zilch, bupkiss. Let that be a warning to them. Next time, it'll be something really serious ... Like drawing magic marker moustaches on old photos of Bear Bryant. That'll show 'em.So you're Cristiano Ronaldo and you're the best soccer player in the world. You're so good that Real Madrid has agreed to pay you 80 million pounds to leave Manchester United and play for them now. And you're in Los Angeles when the big news of your transfer hits the wire. Clearly, it's time to celebrate. What do you do? Do you ... a) Retire quietly with your closest friends and family for a private toast to your fame and fortune, b) Issue a thoughtful statement thanking ManU for your time spent there and wishing them well or c) Ditch your family when you notice Paris Hilton at an LA night club and then spend the night with her at her sister Nicky's house. It's good to be the king.See ya next time.
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