The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 1, Issue 10

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

The NHL is down to four teams left for the Big Jell-O Mold ... Blackhawks vs Red Wings and Penguins vs Canes. They're all playing great hockey but I'm going with the team with that old guy with the weird European name who plays on the same line with that speedy little French-Canadian dude. You know who I'm talking about ... They got that hotshot goalie plus that big scruffy defenseman and the coach, the one who used to coach that other team. C'mon, help me out here.

This time around, HBO's popular NFL training camp series "Hard Knocks" will feature the Cincinnati Bengals. For an NFL junkie, the show's been must see TV ... Especially those painful scenes where the coach has to tell a player he's been released. Given that the Bengals will be on screen, maybe now the drama will be reversed and we'll get to see a player tell the coach he's been released, that is, on bail until his arraignment.

Once he gets going, Yankee P Joba Chamberlain is fine but he's had some pretty rough first innings lately. So before his last start, the team had him pitch a simulated "first inning" out in the bullpen where three batters just stood there while Joba threw his final warmup tosses. That way, the Yankees hope he'll just go out now and pretend like it's the second inning. And I hope it works for him because if it does, I'm asking my boss if I can simulate working for my first hour too.

Rachel Alexandra won the Preakness over fast-closing Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird at Pimlico on Saturday. In outrunning the boys, she became the first filly to win the race since 1924. Boy, I know women like to run late but that's ridiculous. Boy, I'm sure glad my wife doesn't read this.

On Friday, my beloved Philadelphia Phillies paid a team visit to President Barack Obama at the White House to celebrate their World Series win. Think about that for just a moment ... The sorriest pro sports team in history was honored by the first black POTUS ever. Not only that but they both clinched their astonishing victories within a week of each other last fall. Seriously, who's writing this script? And has anybody checked the space-time continuum lately?

Speaking of White House visits, the Super Bowl champ Steelers are due for their trip soon. Only problem is star LB James Harrison doesn't wanna go ... "If you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, Obama would have invited Arizona if they had won." Um, yeah, James, that's pretty much how these things work. I mean, if they just invited the teams that didn't win, the Browns might as well move to Washington to save on air fare.

Rest in peace, Wayman Tisdale.

See ya next time.

The Sports Noter, Version 4, Volume 1, Issue 1

Spurious thoughts and idle musings from the world of sports ...

Congratulations to the Columbus Blue Jackets for finally making the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. The CeeBeeJays were the last of the new wave teams to get a seat at the Big Boy table. Let's hope the good citizens of Columbus are ready for their first taste of playoff hockey ... That means no shaving your beards, no changing your underwear and throwing lots of disgusting dead sea creatures on the ice. Game On!

The 2009 MLB season got underway this week. And an awkward beginning it's been for my beloved Philadelphia Phillies, the defending world champeens. It's always awkward for the reigning kings. Giddy fans get to enjoy raising the banner and the ring ceremony and last pitch replays and national TV games and magazine covers and of course ... dreams of repeating. It's one big giant civic High Five and everybody is in on it.

And then they start playing the games and after four quick ones, the Phils are 1-3 and playing like they still have champagne in their eyes. Be careful, fellas. Yeah, I know what we promised last October. You're right, we said we wouldn't boo you ever again if you won it all. But that was a campaign promise. I mean, hey look, the Obama girls still don't have their puppy yet. Time to play some ball, boys, or we're gonna be warming up our leather lungs.

More on Columbus' first Stanley Cup playoff berth ... I checked and there are no SEC colleges playing ice hockey. You will be playing an NHL team. So rest easy because unlike that other team in your town, this time you have a chance.

No, I really don't wanna talk about the Evil Empire winning its 5th NCAA title. Sometimes the Death Star blows away Alderaan and sometimes the womprat-shooting kid blows away the Death Star. This was an Alderaan year, simple as that. It is a teeny-tiny consolation that Ol' Roy has now won as many titles in six years as his beloved mentor, Dean "Snuffy" Smith, won in 36. Sigh ... So I got that going for me which is nice.

If you're a Twitterer, you need to follow Shaq at http://twitter.com/the_real_shaq. Last night, The Big Tweet gave out 4 tickets to Suns at Memphis to the first person who found him while he was taking the tour at Graceland. No truth to the rumor that Shaq also shared a peanut butter and banana sandwich with the winner.

See ya next time.